I went zip-lining last week, where I got to observe the beautiful landscape of Costa Rica while zipping along a line really high from the ground. To slow down, I had to press down on the line with leather gloves that I was wearing. I'm totally scared of heights but decided that I should do this as part of my adventure.
Things were going OK until I had to propel down a rope! And then I did the Tarzan swing, where I just jumped off a platform around 60 meters from the ground to swing back and forth like Tarzan. I was scared to death to do the Tarzan swing. But right before I jumped off, I started talking to a total adventurous kind of guy ahead of me who had a tattoo on his arm that said, "RESPECT LIFE." I started thinking that I really needed to start living life. We started talking about how "respect life" is better than "live life," "enjoy life," or other sayings like that... how respecting life means a whole lot more. It was cool having that talk...
And then when I told the guy working there that I didn't want to jump, he gave me great advice: "Don't think. Just do it." I did, and it was a wonderful, exhilarating experience. =) I think sometimes I think too much -- and often in circles -- and need to just let go. That's what I'm learning here, right now in Costa Rica.
CLASSIC NEW YORK:
My host family locked me out of their home last Monday afternoon (they went to the doctor's and didn't give me a key). Being the New Yorker that I am, I broke into their house... =) You can take the girl out of New York, but not the New York out of the girl... I told my friend at school, who said that she waited 1.5 hours when that happened to her.
LIVING BY THE BEACH:
Yesterday, I just arrived at my last school location -- at the beach -- where I'm staying at apartments and not with a family -- b/c I crave hot water, A/C, and do not want to eat any more rice and beans (arroz y frijoles). Ne ways, it is hilarious b/c the place totally feels like Real World Costa Rica. Lots of attractive people, almost all really young (around 18-22 years old). LOL. I get there and everyone is dressed in bikinis and swim gear, smoking cigarettes, and already looking really bored w/ life. It cracked me up. =) LOL. A lot of them are European, which is def interesting....
It's funny because I realize that I don't want to hang out w/ the same kind of person that I would back home right now -- b/c I want a change and have a new experience. The only person who reminded me of someone I would befriend at home was a guy whose room I was moving into (he moved out of the apartments but will be in town for another week). I was glad to see him leaving -- b/c I could feel myself falling back into a certain mentality -- I couldn't put my finger on what -- but I just knew that it wasn't what I wanted. Like, he found out which schools I went to within 5 minutes of meeting me -- that was one of the first questions he asked me, and he had gone to a great school, and he's my age and Asian American.
I'm actually sharing a room for the first time in my life -- with a 27 year old Belgium girl. She speaks limited Spanish and English and is fluent in French. It should be interesting to see how these 2.5 weeks together will be. =) I'm going to try to get a English-French dictionary... She seems really cool so it'll be a great experience.
SPANISH:
Initially, it was so hard to learn Spanish. I felt so lost and really stupid. But now I feel so much better with the language. I got some of the basics down -- like the pronunciation... now I don't always pronounce the j's as English j's -- and actually make a h sound instead. =) I'm excited to learn more Spanish. I'm really proud of myself for tackling a new language -- especially since I used to be really fearful of learning a new language...
Last week, I has group classes w/ an older guy (actually a guy who with his wife, adopted me as their daughter in Costa Rica). I felt like I was really struggling in class, as he knew a lot of Spanish already. But then after our last class this past week, during lunch, he and his wife both called me fearless when I tried to communicate something in Spanish. I really loved being called fearless -- as lately, all I feel is full of fear -- being a female alone in a foreign country, trying to learn a new language, jumping off platforms for an adventure, etc. -- but I realize that I just need to work through my fears -- continue doing what I am doing even if I am fearful. Like with the Tarzan swing -- I just need to acknowledge my fear, face it, and then overcome it by acting despite my fear.
MY FUTURE:
I'm not sure what I want from my future -- but I'm thinking about what I value in life -- and where I want to put my energy and resources. I finally feel good in my own skin -- like I remember how it feels to be me. It feels freeing and great! =) I realize that I did feel bound to a job that I didn't really like -- just because of the money, security, and prestige. I felt like I couldn't leave... and felt scared to stop and breathe -- for fear of what I may find out about myself when I took that moment to breathe and what I needed to face deep within my soul. But now I am grateful for this time to travel, experience different cultures, and encounter interesting people. I feel so free right now... not bound by a lease, a job, or other things -- though I miss loved ones in NY very much.
I am using this time to reflect on my life -- and as I look back on these past few years, I realize how much I've gone through -- and how during those times, I've slowly gained a great support system and have experienced a lot of love through it all -- even from failed romances and friendships. I started to feel empathy for those who had deeply loved me ... in their own way... even if things didn't work out.
I feel really blessed for all the love in my life -- thank you for all of you. =) For example, I remember calling a friend after I found out that I got laid off -- and just saying, "can you come over?" and my friend coming over immediately and just sitting and watching a movie with me. Or when my nieces gave me kisses without my having to say "kiss" and point to my cheek -- and especially when they made that cute smacking noise "muah!" when they kissed me. =) Or when my friends shared drinks with me after my last day of work. =) I am a huge sap -- but definitely am feeling loved and happy lately.
WEIRD:
I was at a park having my friend take a picture of me, when this guy totally stopped, laughed boisterously, and then said in a thick German or Swiss accent after I looked questioningly over at him, "You have very shiny teeth! I like that!" LOL -- it totally cracked me up and reminded me of when a friend from college would look lustily at my teeth and go, "I love your teeth" when I would see her in the infinite corridor...
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