Expectations

We fuck ourselves up with expectations on how we should relate to specific kinds of people in our lives.

For example, with our parents, we may have an expectation about how a parent in general should act to his-her child: loving, supportive, and kindly. So most of us expect this from our parents, even if they have been emotionally manipulative, selfish, and downright mean to us in the past. And when a parent acts in accordance with his-her past behavior but not aligned with our expectation of an ideal parent, we often think: "How could my own fucking mom (or dad) do this to me? She (or he) is my parent, for Gods sake!"

The same goes with expectations about a significant other, co-worker, bank teller, etc. We have expectations of people that sometimes are helpful but other times are just plain mind-fucks!

Sometimes it is hard to admit the truth. That your parent is selfish and emotionally manipulative, that you are better off without a friend in your life, or that your sibling takes advantage of you so you need to set boundaries. And sadly, sometimes the most painful part of the ordeal is the failure of the person to meet your expectation of an "ideal" parent-friend-sibling.

(Clarification: Of course, people (including our beautiful selves) make mistakes and we need to forgive one another. I am referring to people who treat you in a non-loving way time and again...)

On the flip side, these expectations may also relate to how you think you should act in a certain situation with a certain person in your life. You may think, I need to be a good child and talk to my parent every week because they reared me . . . even though you dread the weekly phone call where your parent is clearly emotionally abusive to you. Or you may think that being a good person and good friend means never ending friendships, even if they just bring pain into your life.

I am not saying that having expectations about love, marriage, parenthood, and what is "proper" is wrong. But too often we hold on too tight to these expectations -- to our own detriment. I think the saying "go with the flow" can relate to the idea that we can have these expectations but once they are not aligned with what is going on now, we need to *recognize* -- as painful as that may be for us. It fucking sucks to admit to yourself that your mother is a bitch or that someone you think loves you is attempting to hurt you. Especially if they are people you love and expect to be your anchor in life. But this entire entry just has to do with "being real" and "present." Let go and be real to yourself. You deserve it.