fearless - but only on the outside...

I feel like I am back in grade school. I go to classes - where their start and finish are indicated by bells, feel like I am learning so much of the basics of something, and have a Costa Rican mother who asks me whether I finished my homework and cooks me food. Today, during recess (I kidd you not), I sat next to a group of girls who ended up being high schoolers from North Carolina. They asked me my age as if I were a bit younger than them. LOL. I wondered what table this would be in a high school cafeteria (a la Mean Girls movie diagram).

At the next break, lunch, I finally felt like coming to Costa Rica was the right decision for me. I plopped myself down next to the oldest looking lady just to feel a bit older and not like a teenager. She is a retiree from Boston who was so lovely and vibrant that I only wished that I could be like her when I got older. She told me of all the places she had traveled and how she goes away every winter for 3-4 months and meets new friends along the way. I marveled at her vast knowledge of the world and upbeat personality. After a bit, I jokingly said, you must be a Sag (horoscope sign). Without skipping a beat, she replied right away; of course. I just had to ask, when is your birthday? and not wanting to make her feel like my follow-up question would be, what is your mothers maiden name, I offered my birthday. She noticably flinched and said, thats mine! At that moment, I felt like something special was happening. The school has very few people there, and I only asked one person her birthday and that person ended up having the same birthday as me. Wow.

Then this afternoon, I went to a nearby city - on my own. I decided to take a bus with only a 1-page map of the city with me, no dictionary, no phone numbers, nada. Well, except for one of those uber sexy internal fanny packs that makes you look preggers or like you just ate mucho carne asada. LOL. I dont know what I was thinking except that I wanted to extend myself, do something different, be fearless.

Scared, I waited for the bus, grunted the citys name, and once the bus driver acknowledged that I was not completely off, I hopped on. Scared after I got dropped off, I tried to orient myself in a seemingly shady part of the city. Not as scared but timid, I tried to calm my spirits by getting some baked goods. But then I slowly became more comfortable, figured out where I was, and finally saw street signs. Hallelujah! Then I had the best ceviche I ever tasted and wanted to lick the bowl dry while at the same time fearing food poisoning. Then with some unease from the unknown, I boarded a bus to return to my home away from home. I quickly pushed the stop button on the bus when it started veering off the main road. I felt that I was close to my Costa Rican house so began walking down the main road... I knew in the right direction but not how far. Walking in the darkness, I couldnt tell what was more dangerous, cars stalled in traffic or vooming by. A carful of screaming men jerked me out of my thoughts, and I decided, cars stuck in traffic. Then I thought: Shit! But what else am I to do but get some fucking exercise tonight, right now, and keep walking until I get to my home... I felt at peace and determined to make it there, even if it took all night. Then a few steps later, I saw the store which was right near my Costa Rican home. Relief set in but I also felt proud of myself for feeling empowered and free just a few moments before. I was tempted to buy some beers to celebrate but instead bought a diet coke and oreos... HOLLAR!