Labels

I've been having a blast in Costa Rica -- especially since I have come to this beach community (Playa Flamingo).  It's nice to just chill with people, and I luckily met a few really cool people to hang out with.  I've been going to beaches, surfing, going on boat rides, drinking fruit smoothies, and watching many sunsets.  Pura vida! -- a saying in Costa Rica that means "pure life."  

It's been a good time for me to just let go of everything that has been holding me down -- like expectations I put on myself -- to be on top of my shit, to always have a plan A and a plan B, and to be "good at what I do" (whatever that may be).  Now that I'm writing this, I hear the voice of a former co-worker in my head, who kept telling me that I had to be the best lawyer I can be, and isn't that important to me?  Don't I want to be the best?  (even when faced with the choice between spending more time at home w/ a husband and child...)  I remember initially thinking, "hell no..." but slowly, I fed into the hype.  I almost felt I had to in order to keep myself going with the job -- in order to keep sacrificing so much of my life for the job.  I told myself that it was just something "just to think it so you can get through the day, even though you know it's BS."  But slowly, it became reality to me.  

Now in Costa Rica, I see the exact opposite -- of people just chilling out, fucking around, and partying it up.  I've meet many people who are just traveling the world -- from those who worked hard and saved for many months to come here, to others who are being financed by their parents and are as others have called them "lost boys."  I think this time is good for me -- but definitely not something I want to have long-term -- so no danger of me moving down to Costa Rica for the rest of my life. =)  

I want to get the benefits of both worlds -- of recognizing that there are more important things in life aside from your game plan and being "the best" (like enjoying life and having fun)... and also that I want to plan for your life and future but I don't have to be like the guy from American Psycho about it.

I think this vacation has been a time for me to try to let go of the labels and expectations that I allow to be on me.  Like, I followed a path of getting the high paying, difficult to get job, went to high ranked schools, etc.  People told me that life would be easy if I followed that path -- that I didn't have to worry about things.  But then I found myself at a point in my life where I was truly unhappy.  I was working my ass off, to the point where I couldn't see my friends and family as much as I had wanted, single or in relationships where I didn't have time to foster a good relationship, and unsatisfied with my job.  How was that an easy life?  What does it mean to be "the best"?  And does being "the best" in one thing mean that I'll be happy in life?  Why is it so important to be the best at work when other things falter so much -- from what it takes to be the best?

I don't know much about things -- but I guess I'm trying to sort everything out in my head about my life -- what I want from it, where I've been, where I want to go in the future. =)  But here, most of my energy has been on just letting go of the labels and expectations of the past.  

It's been cool being here.  Here, people just meet me and most think that I'm an early to mid-20 year old New Yorker.  It's so freeing!  I realize that a lot of expectations and labels, I put on myself -- and that I need to let go.  So that's what I've been trying to do as of late.  Let go.  Even if people say shit to me, I need to learn how to let things go.  Even a small example, when a girl said to me after I told her that I wanted to buy water on the beach, "oh, you didn't bring water to the beach?  I always bring water to the beach," I felt somewhat irresponsible.  But I realize that I just need to let go.  Her comment was about her.  I don't need to carry everything with me.  I just need to find someone who sells water and buy some (which someone did around a 2 minute walk away). =)  Pura Vida.  (That's a small silly example -- but an easy one to share).  

Well, I'm sweating like a hog in this heat!  Off to the beach!